Voices of Shadow and Light

"all creation emerges from darkness"

micheal meade

i've been pulling myself out of one of those dark stupors the past day. one where a single disappointment has derailed, at least for awhile, my forward momentum. i let myself down, and i think for me that's much more devastating then if it were someone else. the old habit of letting the mental gremlins take over kicked in and before i knew it i was in that shadowy place, the one with the slippery slope. nowhere was there a sign post reminding me to "seek joy first", or "the greatest story of all is the one u are living", or "she lives by the light of her own stars.' nope. only that downward spiral..and the cutting thoughts,"you don't have what it takes".." you can't make this dream come true- you don't have the: discipline, the passion, the strength, the smarts, the will..." "it will take too long.."

i have such a hard time accepting my perfectly imperfect self. when this mode takes over, compassion evaporates. gentleness is forgotten and all i can see if what's lacking, what's not enough. why it will never work.

but this time, now that i've gotten some ground under me, now that i've crawled up out of the hole, i've decided that i will lean into my communtiy. i will put my brave on and reach out- to do the phoenix rising yoga with ken on a regular basis. i will risk being seen and heard as i am, i'll continue to learn what 's right for me and to adjust to what i think i must do for what i can do. to notice, maybe a little bit sooner, how destructive the comparing i do is. the very scary truth is that maybe the dream i have isn't going to come about the way i imagined, in the timing i intended, that my soul is leading me and that it might just be a really good idea to surrender into this darkness again for the millionth time. learning to trust. to accept. stay tumed, there may yet be happy ending!