the book, cakes for the queen of heaven... the start of my journey to goddess
my soul collage cards of goddess: brigid, my matron goddess...
earth, our mother goddess.....
the priestess....
archetypal goddess.....welcome to ur happy place: a refuge for body, mind and soul for 6/1! did u get out to soak up some of the beautiful weather over the holiday weekend? each year weather permitting, this is the weekend we put out our gardens, ...veggies and potted annuals, herbs, and we started to dig out a new perennial flower bed, back breaking, but the results will be worth it...what a time to commune with the Great Mother, Gaia..since i tend to be such a hermit during the winter months, i spring alive in the planting and harvest seasons. full days and lots of big plans for all the warm days that seem to stretch out before us..but speed by in the blink of an eye...
my body loves this time of year too..the time when the sun both invigorates and lulls...naps in the adirondack, long beach walks, drinking in the sunsets...hungering to take care of all the projects that lay fallow in the dark months; touch up painting, freshening decorations, spring cleaning for the attic and basement....
and the deep peace of twilight- day turning to dusk, breathing in the smells of summer..fresh mown grass, barbecue, lavendar, honeysuckle, basil....
it is at the turning times like these that i feel especially close to goddess. i feel her within me, as me, and also see her most everywhere in the blossoming and abundance of the growing things....
when i first began studying the world of goddess under the umbrella of feminist spirituality with the curriculum of cakes for the queen of heaven in 2003, i remember thinking , " where has this been all my life" and " i wonder who i would've become if had i been raised with this kind of information, and celebration of the feminine?"
here is one excerpt about our bodies from the book u see above :
"reclaiming our female bodies light a special candle and use the full power of ur imagination as u read the following visualization: imagine urself standing naked before a full length mirror (or do it for real, i say) look closely at all parts of ur body. turn and look at urself form various angles. now look closely at ur hair. what do u like about ur hair? do u like the way i t looks? do u wish for another kind of hair? now look at ur face, ur eyes, nose, mouth. skin. do u like what u see? now look at the rest of ur body, ur breasts, hips, genitals, arms, legs,ur shape, ur size. r u pleased with ur shape? ur size?
look carefully at ur hands and feet. do they seem attractive to u? now look at urself as a whole person. how well do u like the way u look? what do u like best about ur body? what do u like least?
this guided visualization touches our most private experiences- our feelings about our female bodies. in using the visualization with groups of women over the past (ten) years, it has never failed to elicit a depressing discussion of all the aspects women hate about their bodies. only very recently have there been one or two women in any group who begin the discussion by saying" i really like my body, especially my skin (or hair or legs etc.)
there is hardly a woman alive in this society who does not dislike something about her body. as women we learn that we are too short unless we teeter about on high heels, that we must color our hair becuz blondes have more fun;that we must diet until we are pencil thin;that size A breasts need the help of a padded bra or dangerous surgery......everything around us conveys the message that physically we are not ok as we are. we learn in subtle ways that we are inferior..."
....it was thru this time spent with other contemporary women, as we explored Herstory, myth, creation tales of a great mother, learned about the maiden, mother and crone, of matriarchal societies with egalitarian rule between males and females, unearthed remembrances of times where the female form was actually revered, as we shared personal stories of our own, as we imagined a new future- one where women aligned with their holy selves, body, mind and soul, that i began to rethink and detach from what i'd been force fed all of my life.
the heart teachings and body love that lilah, my angelic guide, is offering me takes me further into the work i began back then.
..the process of unlearning and stepping away from our cultural norms has been difficult for me, especially now that i am "aging" . however, aging is also liberating. it is a time to embrace what we are, looking it straight in the eye and appreciating it. valuing it. redefining what beautiful means to us, what our beauty is.
it is a time to experiment with ways to be with our bodies. ways we may not have made the time for until now; dancing our prayers, sorrows, intentions, or lifting our voices in our personal soul songs. maybe we will revisit ideas we had talked ourselves out of; walking 60 miles for a breast cancer fundraiser, taking a bike tour across europe, trekking the el camino in spain. my yoga practice continually transforms my relationship with my body. when i practice yoga i 'm engaged with flow and form, movement and breath...i find i'd rather have this happiness than the self-criticism. feel the pleasure of alignment rather than sacrifice it to worries about how big my backside might look in a forward bend!
once i heard a friend say she was in the process of making peace with her mid life body. with that meant all the change she was experiencing: the increasing curves, skin changes, the creaks, cracks and pops of joints under protest.
another friend who was one of my mentors in cakes, remarked that she wouldn't want to stay young forever becuz she was curious about what all the other ages and stages would feel like; how dull to stay the same forever- in fact unnatural.
once upon a time, i occupied the body beautiful- the one that won me homecoming queen and prom queen, the one that made heads turn on the beach. i couldn't revel in it or love it becuz i was too consumed with it's appearance and what that could gain me. too caught up in the fog of our culture's brainwashing.
luckily, i heard the call of mother, and a better way.
the goddess called me home to roost in my body. i won't say i rest easily in my body at all times. viewing myself with innocent eyes is a process. but when i feel my body, when i'm present and free from the need to live up to an outside standard, or fulfill somebody else's visual expectation, it is in these moments that i am the goddess. moments like these are the ones i wish for every woman. i'm understanding more and more that my body is a gift and a sacrament, the key and gateway to the one. it is here that we experience embodied enlightenment. it's no good trying to escape, minimize or nullify bodily experience, or to try and rush past it to ascension. our body is our school room, our playground and home altar. it is the dwelling place of our soul; consciously inhabiting our bodies is the very way we evolve our spirits.
if u haven't yet heard her, listen closely. she'll be calling you home too. back to the place where your best you is plenty beautiful, where you are more than enough, right now just as u are.
until next time...xx
